Death is hard and grieving is painful and they are also healthy, normal and necessary parts of life. All cultures before our modern times have had normalized and also sometimes elaborate rituals to mark these inevitable occasions.
Ritualizing helps us to feel less isolated from nature and the cycle of life as well as our close and wider community. It can be a soothing balm to the burning questions of WHY?! when we are in turmoil. Sometimes all we need in the beginning to bring ritual in is to just pause and be witnessed.
Our modern cultures have lost more and more knowledge and experience from elders on what to do with ourselves in Grief. We have forgotten that deep in us, we know we need connection. We need witnessing. We need to journey alone yet we need to be cared for by others as we do so. It is a both/ and experience. Being in deep Grief is like being in a portal into other worlds, while the bills still need being paid, the milk is going bad in the fridge and life is moving around us as if the ground hasn’t split in two for others, as it has for us. My intention is to support you through the murky waters until you find a couple peices of floating driftwood and we build a raft together. Once you feel a little more stable on that makeshift boat, we can look at what wisdom the river might be bringing downstream your way. Wisdom from your own knowing that we sometimes miss because we are just trying not to drown.
My philosophy on death and grief is that the person dying or grieving (or their family) are the ones navigating the vessel. You are the captain.
The role of a doula and a guide is to bring comfort while highlighting the needs and wisdom of the one in transition. My place is to support in ways that we determine together that will be non-intrusive, calming and what you need.
I do not push my own ideas on others and will support you and/or your family whatever your belief systems are. If I am unable to do so, I will offer a referral for someone more helpful.